For the first time in years, tonight I felt everything fell into place. It didn't matter that I was spending Christmas on an airport hotel, instead of hosting a big party in my house. I didn’t miss it. I didn’t miss anyone. Actually, being away from this entire charade was such a great relief.
Today I finally got the courage to admit to myself that I was facing a dead end. My marriage was a lie, and everyone knew it before me. After another series of fights and endless arguments, I packed my suitcase and hit the road.
I did not have any destination in mind; I simply wanted to get away from this black vortex which I called marriage. I drove to the airport and while I was going through the board with the departures flights, I thought of going to Argentina. I always wanted to go visit this country. Unfortunately the next flight towards my destination was leaving in the morning. I booked it anyway, and headed to the Marriott hotel.
When I entered the lobby, while I was on my way to the reception, I was greeted by two women who handed me an invitation to a Xmas party, taking place in one of the conference rooms. They wished me “Merry Xmas!” and invited me to join their party later on. Seeing that I was reluctant to say yes, they explained that it was a charity event hosted by the hotel.
My ears were burning and my head was not ready for it. All I wanted for the moment was to have a hot bath. I thanked them and said that I would think about it. I wasn't in the mood to converse to anyone.
In ten years of marriage, we rarely spent Christmas only the two of us. If I recall correctly, it happened only once. That’s when we just moved to Alberta. That year he started a new venture, paving Edmonton. We were in our first year of marriage, and we put all of our savings in that company. Luckily, it worked out.
All the other years, we had a big party, where I played the role of a happy spouse, organizing everything, ensuring that his public image was intact. I thought that tonight, it must have been annoying for him to face all the guests alone, and not have the slightest clue where I was. I am sure he came up with some silly excuse, trying to look good. Well, he’ll have a bigger surprise, when I will return from this trip.