The long walk

Whenever I try to clear my mind, I go out for a long walk. I do it even if the temperature outside is below zero degrees. The cold never prevented me from taking this walks. As a matter of fact, although I am a sun worshiper and summer is my favorite season, I must confess that I do enjoy walking in the crisp air. It always gave me the impression that my thoughts were more accurate, that I could find answers to my questions faster and I see things clearer.

This afternoon I felt that it was one of those days when everything is falling apart. The recent issues I had going on in my marriage, the problems at work, my teenage daughter crises, everything made me feel I need to come up with a better plan. Something needed to change, for everyone's sake, not only mine. 

Thus before saying another word that I would have regretted, I bundled up, put on my wool boots and left the house. Although I had given up the habit of smoking years ago, this afternoon I craved for a cigarette. I always do when I feel pressured or stressed. I tried having a puff or two before and it did not make me pick up the habit again. On the contrary. The awful taste left by the cigarette in my mouth, help me cope with the craving. It convinced my brain that I did not need to have a cigarette to calm down. 

As I was walking down the boulevard, I tried to avoid thinking about anything. I looked at the shops, admired a few windows, entered one or two of them, but I did not buy anything. I did it just to distract my mind who was trying obsessively to find a solution to the crisis. 

While I was strolling down the sidewalk, I got an email from work. I only read the title with it was change management Calgary and I turned my phone off. I was not in a mood for that. I had to calm down first.

I must have walked for almost two hours until my feet started to ache. I took a break and went to Starbuck to have a cup of coffee. When I saw there were about forty people waiting in line, I turned around and left the cafe. Instead of spending almost twenty minutes in line, I went to Java, which was only two block down the road.